Just for Fun 2
What Your Hands Say About You |
 You are logical, analytical, and rational. You have good verbal skills.Flexible and broad minded, you can fit in to any situation. There’s no telling where your life will take you. Brainy and intelligent, you are intellectual to the point of being incomprehensible. Your emotions tend to be nervous and potent. Your energy - both positive and negative - deeply impacts your life. |
What Do Your Hands Say About You?
David received a parrot for his birthday. This parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that weren’t expletives were, to say the least rude. David tried hard to change the bird’s attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, anything he could think of to try and set a good example… Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird and the bird got worse. He shook the bird and the bird got more angry and more rude. Finally, in a moment of desperation, David put the parrot in the freezer.
For a few moments he heard the bird squawking, kicking, and screaming, then suddenly there was quiet. David was frightened that he might have hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto David’s extended arm and said: “I’m sorry that I might have offended you with my language and action and I ask your forgiveness. I will endeavor to correct my behavior.” David was astonished at the bird’s change in attitude and was about to ask what had made such a dramatic change when the parrot continued: “May I ask what the chicken did?”
Marriage Quips
- Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.
- After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, “You know, I was a fool when I married you.” She replied, “Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice.”
- A lady inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: “Husband wanted”. Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: “You can have mine.”
- The bride, upon her engagement, went to her mother and said, “I’ve found a man just like father!” Her mother replied, “So what do you want from me, sympathy?”
- When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
- Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
- A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” And the father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”
- Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts ofAfrica a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in every country, son.
- Then there was a man who said, “I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late.”
- A woman was telling her friend, “It is I who made my husband a millionaire.” “And what was he before you married him?” asked the friend. The woman replied, “A billionaire.”
- If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
- Just think, if it weren’t for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
- Personally, I think one of the greatest things about marriage is that as both husband and father, I can say anything I want to around the house. Of course, no one pays the least bit of attention.
- How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.
- The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.
- Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute.
- First guy (proudly): “My wife’s an angel!” Second guy: “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”
- Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.
The Puzzle
One morning a not too bright guy calls his friend and says “Please come over and help me. I have this killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to start it.” His friend asks “What is it a puzzle of?” The first guy says “From the picture on the box, it’s a tiger.” The friend figures that he’s pretty good at puzzles, so he heads over. He lets him in the door and shows him to where he has the puzzle pieces spread all over the table. The friend studies the pieces for a moment, then studies the box. He then turns and says: “First, no matter what I do, I’m not going to be able to show you how to assemble these to look like the picture of that tiger.” “Second, I’d advise you to relax, have a cup of coffee, and put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box.”